Thursday, June 27, 2013

Random- This Could Get Ruff

Owner:    Hey, you want to go for a ride?
Dog:    Sure! I love riding in the car! Where are we going?
Owner:    To the vet.
Dog:    I don't really like it there.
Owner:    I know, but it's for your benefit.
Dog:    If you say so. Is this another check-up?
Owner:    Not exactly.
Dog:    Then why are you taking me there?
Owner:    You're going to be neutered.
Dog:    I'm still learning vocabulary. What does that mean?
Owner:    Your testicles are going to be removed.
Dog:    What!? Why!?
Owner:    So you can't reproduce.
Dog:    But what if I want to reproduce? Don't I have a say in this?
Owner:    No. It's my decision.
Dog:    And who the arf are you?
Owner:    I am your owner and I've decided what's best for you.
Dog:    Well I'm me and I think you've decided what's easiest for you.
Owner:    Regardless, this is happening so you can be a good boy and get in the car or I will force you.
Dog:    Fine. Will this be a quick procedure?
Owner:    Yes, it is out-patient surgery.
Dog:    That's good. Are there side effects?
Owner:    You'll sleep a lot. When awake, you'll feel groggy and won't be able to keep your balance when you walk, nor will you want to eat normally.
Dog:    Sounds horrible.
Owner:    Oh, and you'll have to wear a cone around your neck for a week.
Dog:    Explain.
Owner:    It's a collar with a bowl coming out of it so you can't lick or bite the incision wound.
Dog:    A wound? Great! Now all the lady dogs will see it and think I'm tough. Then I can... oh wait.
Owner:    I know, but at least the urges will go away.
Dog:    Immediately?
Owner:    Nope. For a while, you'll still hump every animal you meet, along with people's legs, pillows, and whatever else is around the house.
Dog:    So, after getting my balls chopped off, I'll hungrily stumble around the house with a bowl around my head so I can't get at my new wound. Then I'll instinctively and uncontrollably hump legs and furniture and get frustrated when nothing happens. This is your plan for my benefit?
Owner:    I'll get you a new squeaky toy!

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