Monday, October 27, 2014

Nonsense- Neuyaht -OR- Neil Young

Neuyaht -OR- Neil Young
by
Joseph McConnell (Woo Woo)
Adam Czaplinski (Big Fish)
Rob Cottignies (Smoky Jones)
&
Olga Fedorovna (Crow-talker)
with
Illustrations by Woo Woo and Big Fish

Last year, Odie and I went to Europe with a notebook and recorded random nonsense that we said into it. You can see that glorious blog here. We recently went back to The Continent with another notebook, and for your viewing pain and/or pleasure, here is the result. Enjoy!


It begins. Everyone is distraught.

Sludge butts.

That's some good-looking change.

I like the way you think, Brown Horse. You're on to something.

From Arizona to Ireland in an instant.

Eat grass, sleep, repeat.

Hey man.
Hey what?
Eeee!!
Ohh...

Can you call the president and tell him to turn on the Northern Lights? I have to watch Mike & Molly. They don't have TiVO here.

James Earl Jones is the Aurora Borealis.

Jewish beach bugs.

I certainly don't want to pee into Parliament.

Damn it! Tens with fish on them! I want a fifty with a crab!

I just want a big ass with a pretty face.

Everyone has retards. They just put them away.

Scoop what you can and mix the rest with sand.

This is where we keep our blind priests.


That horse looks like Greta Garbo.

What do you do?
You just eat butt, man.


Visit the Blue Lagoon. It was... comfortable.

What's the point of having a big ass if you can't smack it? Like... why did you grow this!?!

Three boys, three caps.

So you need to find a city with whale meat, a lot of butts, and it's not too hot.

I'm a simple man. I like whale, butts, and jackets.

Don't insult the witch. I'm gonna go insult the witch.

Look, God, there's a lot more to me than just ass.

I bet you that whale meat is good for your memory. They have great memory. They travel a lot.

This... is not... Myrtle Beach.

It starts with your poop. It ends with opening a 10-kroner pizza in Bergen.

Is this Horse Limbo?

Use that time to have a good time.

I like my chocolate like I like my women- dark and they shut the fuck up.

You fuckin' bitch. A bagel wouldn't treat me like this. That's why I fuck bagels, oats, meuslix. It's fucking great.

I can't wait to eat with might be deer or something else.

You are one of the otter people.

"So this is the subway, huh?"

That girl is so tall, her butt is small.

Deep down, every girl likes the smell of egg.

Do you want a piece of gum?
No, I like concerts.

Bam, kids, ten-kroner pizza.

At ease, Pakesh.

I have so much liver paté here.

What are you, gay?
No! You're my doctor! Look at my balls!

Your mom introduced you to Sepultura?

It feels like I'm a southern woman with a huge ass.

Don't rush Pocahontas.

Why are you alive if you can't make fun of fat people?

Complex rice cake.

You and your Medieval Times.

I can't look at those. I get a boner just looking at mannequins.

Poop or Snüss?

She's smiling at him. Is he insane? Is he drunk? Does he not have a ticket? What is going on? I'm confused.

He hit the nerve in his head that was the goat nerve.

Did you see the scallion guy?

Oh yeah? Well I fucked your wife... AND your granddaughter.

Santa Claus, bend your elbows now.

You're a spoon addict!!!


Underwear is like oysters. You never know which one you're gonna lose.

I like it here. Let's leave.

My butt is gonna fart soon. No... I lost it.

People are always looking for shit that soothes their soul. Yeah, that's why I love beer.


7'11. Yeah water, you're in charge of those.

Christiania (Long sigh............................................)

That was Umami. That was Akebakke.

You died on the train.

Is this my special coin? This is my special coin. No, wait. This is my special coin.

I'm pulling out the yellow card, mate.

Checkpoint Charlie? Checkpoint naptime.

Anyone want a chicken?
Chubba-lubba over here wants some food.

You can cut your jeans into funky shapes.

I'm not afraid to hump women and eat buffet. I'm just not interested.

There are three fat girls inside who look like walking potatoes.. and they're loud. Guess where they're from.

Now you know what it's like to have an empire.

It's like my nose is a minty jet pack.

Everyone is their own Beowulf.


"I only have 2 rules: Don't urinate on me and you have to drink your drink after cheersing." -Soup Stain

When did we find out that I am DMX?

Ask somebody's sister.

I'll find the skinny waitress. I'll buy her a chin.

Well, I mean, head zits.

Farmers do anything.

If a mountain could fart, what do you think it would sound like?
Oooooff!
That's what earthquakes are. Mountains farting.

Serious!? We were screaming Backstreet Boys!!!

Real butter or ghost butter?


Blaha No
Astoria Yes

Caribou Death Throat.

I slept like a groundhog.

When you argue with a guy named Soup Stain, it might not make total sense.

Nothing says Budapest like Britney Spears.

Fucking artists, man. Artists will save the world.

Their air circulator is a Rubik's cube.
Your brain is a Rubik's cube!
Yeah, maybe.

Ah, The Perfect Sturm.
[This is the only one I'll explain. In Austria, there is a drink called sturm, which is fermented grape juice in the stage before it becomes wine. It's delicious. Odie, Olga, and I were at a cafe in Vienna and we each ordered sturm. The waiter said, "Ah, The Perfect Sturm." It was awesome.]

Is Olga in the souvenir shop?
No, she's being.

What is he doing, taking wish money?

Dizzy Gillespie.
Dizzy Moocock.
Yeah, that's the one.

That's a good sleeve.

She's tall but her butt is not as nice as the one who was tall and her butt was small.

He likes pork. He is a pork pigeon.

Should we go to Strasbourg?
No, don't kill yourselves.

Where was Jenbach? Where is Jenbach?

It's gone. The plane has been taxied.
That's a good one. I've never heard that before.
I've never said that before.
It probably doesn't make sense.

Jerome will be there.


You have an eye like a diamond for the soup.

A lot of things have to happen in your life to be passed out in the middle of the afternoon on the steps of Vapiano.

No amount of sex is worth getting stabbed over.

You are the bread giver. I am the cheese master.

Oh, we are in a castle, eating cheese and drinking beer. Nice place to be.

You're a tough guy.
Why?
Well, eat this cheese for breakfast. Tough guys do that.

When in Rome, put your cheese outside.

Now is not the time for comfort. Now is the time for train chocolate.

I want to get something off but something is cold and amazing or something.

When you're old you get itchy but can only scratch yourself with soap brushes.

I refuse to do Basel Basel.


I don't need your pity berries.

More sports have no something.

If a walnut falls, you gotta eat it.

Where did you go today?
Buttlessville.

Pumpkins and napkins and locks.

If I get something with a beer, then I'll get a beer.

The goat nerve makes you bleat like a goat.
YeeeAAaarghhh



The butt of the gods was in Bergen. The holy butt of Basel, that all others are envious of, was in Paddy Reilly's. It belonged to the blonde girl with bangs.

Did you hear the Muslim guy trying to swallow his throat?

You can go to Amsterdam, or you can go to Amsterdam... in prison.

Hopefully they don't arrest me and kill me with guns and bullets and goblins.

Trust the Akebakke.

You're not full of love. You're full of cookies!

Even bus drivers know people.

I'm not shaking your hobo hand.

Are you tired?
I'm just existing. I'm tired. But I'm also wired. Tonic is horrible.


You wanna go sit out in the garden?
I'm looking at this chick right here.

When there's a will, there's a way.
When there's no wi-fi, there's no texting.

I want two billion billions.

Anything is the same.


What did you say about Teddy Grahams?

Mayonnaise is God.

They earned the smelly butt.

Dutch Bubba Gump Salad Guy.

Poo Poo Kenya.

They were worse than goblins. Demon goblin trolls of Basel.

We could sit here and watch a bunch of old people eat cheese. Their faces are so funny when they chew.

I'd rather have a Franken-lady than a pregnant lady.

I'm in Hell.
I'm a duck.


I never trust two guys in sweaters.

If he's part maniac he could have been Mumbling Man.

I like the smell of abandoned buildings.

This is where the Brits bring their ladies. Flying Water Douche.

Listening to Barry White in Bruges.

What's your team name?
Pwempay Pee Pee Poo Poo Paa Paaaa.

How do you go to sleep when your bottom half is a bowl of soup?!!!!?

Keep screaming, maniac. I'm going to bed.

Ping Pong Priest is gonna change the world.

I mean, I smell terrible... but I guess I could get drunk.

I've seen some good butts here, but they're not Bruges butts. They're tourist butts.

I might not be good at much, but I'm good at finding beer.

Drinking makes you learn Latin.

Sometimes you just gotta let her marry the fat guy.

Maybe he just talks to floors.

Now you have a Jerome of your own.