Wednesday, June 01, 2016

Pizzerianalysis

Pizzerianalysis, Well-Done
by Rob Cottignies



            Recently, I ordered food. Said order was one pepperoni pizza and one eggplant parm pizza. Simple enough. I got to the pizza place twenty minutes later and said my order number- 56. A mighty number if there ever was one. The woman behind the counter brought me one pizza box and one long paper bag. Assuming there wasn't some weird pepperoni sandwich thing inside, I told her the eggplant parm was supposed to be in pizza form. She looked at the order ticket she'd written and it clearly said pizza. One of the cooks came over and took blame for the mistake.
            After apologizing, the woman said it would take ten minutes for them to make an eggplant parm pizza. And thus ensued my dilemma…

            1) I should wait for the food that I ordered.
            2) I'm hungry. And so are other people. Plus someone is waiting in the car for me.
            3) How much of a discount would I get if I wait?
            4) Why should I get a discount? It's what I ordered.
            5) How would she figure out a discount? How much is ten minutes of my time worth?
            6) How would I kill ten minutes in this place?
            7) What would happen to the sandwich if I choose to wait?
            8) If I take the pizza and they throw out the sandwich, I'd hate myself.
            9) How would I find out the fate of the sandwich?
            10) I'm surprised the counterlady hadn't misheard me. I mumble a lot.
            11) Why do I mumble so often?
            12) I really want to get out of here. I should take the sandwich.
            13) An eggplant parm sandwich is basically an eggplant parm pizza in a different form.
            14) I don't really like pepperoni. My plan was to just have eggplant slices.
            15) My friends and now this place's workers are all waiting on me. This is horrible.

            I took the sandwich at a two-dollar discount and got out of there.
            The point of this pointless story was to let others see what goes on in my head, even in a boring everyday situation like the above. Imagine when I'm faced with an actual dilemma. Sheesh!
            The sandwich was good, the pepperoni was gross, and everyone had a lovely time.

FIN