Pizzanalysis
by Rob Cottignies
Recently, I ordered food.
Said order was one pepperoni pizza and one eggplant
parmesan pizza. Simple enough.
I got to the pizzeria twenty minutes later and said my
order number- 56, a mighty number if there ever was one.
The woman behind the counter brought me one pizza box
and one long paper bag. Assuming there wasn't some weird pepperoni sandwich
thing inside, I told her the eggplant parmesan was supposed to be in pizza
form. She looked at the order ticket she'd written and it clearly said pizza.
One of the cooks came over and took blame for the mistake.
After apologizing, the woman said it would take ten
minutes for them to make an eggplant parmesan pizza.
What followed was my dilemma…
1) I should get the food that I ordered.
2) I'm hungry. So are other people. And someone is waiting in the car for me.
3) How much of a discount would I get if I wait?
4) Why should I get a discount? It's what I ordered.
5) How would she figure out a discount? How much is ten minutes of my time
worth?
6) How would I kill ten minutes in this place?
7) What would happen to the sandwich if I choose to wait?
8) If I take the pizza, they’ll probably have to throw out the sandwich, which I'd
hate.
9) But how would I find out the fate of the sandwich?
10) I'm surprised the counter-lady hadn't misheard me. I mumble a lot.
11) Why do I mumble so often?
12) I really want to get out of here. I should take the sandwich.
13) An eggplant parmesan sandwich is basically an eggplant parmesan pizza in a
different form.
14) I don't really like pepperoni. My plan was to just have eggplant slices.
15) My friends and now this place's workers are all waiting on me. This is horrible.
…
I took the sandwich at a two-dollar discount and got
out of there.
The point of this pointless story was to let others
see what goes on in my head, even in a boring everyday situation like the
above. Imagine when I'm faced with an actual dilemma!
The sandwich was good, pepperoni is still gross, and
everyone had a lovely time.
THE END
Post-script fun fact:
Did you ever wonder why chicken and eggplant parmesan things are made with
mozzarella cheese and not parmesan?
The region of northern Italy the food originates from
is called Parma. So, ‘parmesan’ refers to the style of Parma, not the cheese,
but that’s from the same area as well.
So there.