But Is It Irony?

But Is It Irony?
by Rob Cottignies

When John Hinckley attempted to assassinate President Ronald Reagan, he missed his intended target. Reagan, however, was standing outside of his vehicle, which had bulletproof windows. One bullet bounced off a window and struck the President. That window was installed specifically to prevent Reagan from getting shot but in this instance caused a bullet to hit him.

That is irony.

When a group protests a controversial movie, they want to sway people from being interested in it. Quite often, the public pays more attention to the movie because of the uproar and many people see it when they might not have been aware of it had the group not protested.

That is irony.

When my mother called me a son of a bitch, her intent was to insult me, yet she actually insulted herself.

That is irony.

Not one thing Alanis Morissette describes in her song 'Ironic' is ironic.

That might be irony.

Seeing some bozo wearing the same shirt as you is not ironic. It is nothing more than a very small coincidence.

And please stop wearing that shirt. You look stupid.

…

The meaning of ‘irony’ is highly-debated but it is officially described as something spoken or occurring that is the opposite of the intended result.

Many people mistake coincidence for irony, such as you and a friend both wanting pizza for lunch. The only way this could be remotely ironic is if you went to a pizza place only to find out they had no more food.

But that is really more like bad luck, Alanis.

There is a myth that silent film actor Charlie Chaplin once secretly entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike competition and lost. Of course, the real Charlie Chaplin would have been expected to win such a contest. No record of this happening exists but if it did, irony!

Sarcasm is a form of irony, if used properly. The difference here, though, is inflection. If it is obvious that you would hate to go to your friend’s kid’s Little League game, you might say ‘I would LOVE to go to the game’ with a snarky tone. That would be ironic, and your friend would probably hate you. However, if you said with a straight face ‘I would love to go to the game’, you would simply be a liar and your friend would be better off without you.

(And why would you want to be friends with someone who suggests going to a Little League game as if it would be a fun time?)

…

I recently faced a conundrum- I wanted to run in the park and it was raining out. I generally cannot stand wearing a wet shirt so I wore a zipped-up raincoat to prevent it from getting soaked. After the run, I took off the coat and my shirt underneath was soaked. Said raincoat was non-porous, therefore my body heat was raised and the extra sweat produced caused my shirt to become soaked in gross human moisture.

I wondered if this was ironic. The coat did its job in keeping out rain but my shirt got wet anyway because of the coat. However, if I had not worn the coat, my shirt would still have gotten wet.

This can only be reasoned with by inserting or removing the phrase with rain.

'I wore this coat so my shirt would not get wet. The coat caused my shirt to get wet.' Irony.

'I wore this coat so my shirt would not get wet with rain. The coat caused my shirt to get wet, but not with rain.' Not irony.

But then there is the inevitability that the shirt would have gotten wet regardless. A person could go crazy thinking about this stuff, which I do constantly.

The next time I feel a rain run, I will just go nude. That will certainly show the ironic overlords who the boss is.

Also, check out this video spoofing Alanis's dopey song.