Here’s the scene:
I walk up to a store, pull
the door open, and slide into the building.
For some reason, I glance
behind me to see some guy walking toward the entrance, about 30 feet away.
My goal was to enter the
store, which I’ve done. Time to move on to Phase 2, right? Time to buy pants
and a flashlight, right!?
Maybe not.
Obligation overwhelms me.
But why should I hold the
door open for this guy? I saw him get out of a car so he was clearly able to
drive himself here. He’s walking upright and both of his (empty) arms seem to
function just fine. The door isn't heavy. Surely, he’s capable of opening it for
himself.
I thought too long about
it so here I am, half in a store's foyer, holding a door open with my body bent
in some strange way.
And now this door is feeling
weighty. I still have time to let it go and walk in.
What’s the worst that
would reasonably happen?
A stranger thinks I’m
rude. Even if he says something, I can pretend I'm sorry and be done with it.
But no, I'll hold it for
him because that's what's "supposed to" be done.
And what happens when he
finally reaches the door? He turns left. No acknowledgement. No appreciation. No
result from my unnecessary struggle. This time was truly wasted.
…
What’s the solution? Is
there proper etiquette for this common situation?
Normally, I’d say
flinging the door open and walking in like royalty without further touching
said door would be the answer. This way you were never holding the door, even
for yourself. And if you don’t look back, how could you know someone was there?
But of course you know when someone is there.
Here are some proposed actions
to be taken, which are directly based on the person’s distance to the door:
If the person is more
than 35 feet from you, absolutely do not consider holding the door. Use your
eyes to judge and give or take fifteen feet, but only take it. You owe this
person nothing.
And maybe you have a nice
butt, so the individual should be grateful for the opportunity to see it in
action.
That's simple enough, but
what if the person is…
…disabled, physically or
mentally?
Hold the door and step to
the side, allowing them to pass. Not doing so could make strangers think you’re
awful, which is usually fine, but that breed of awful is unacceptable.
…obscenely ancient and
near-blind?
Do the same because they
might think you work for the store and give you a wrinkled dollar bill.
…a mom with children?
Immediately walk in like royalty
and let the door close behind you. Don’t help her kids; they need to learn for
themselves. Odds are they will be unruly, so Mom won’t have time to scold you when
she doesn’t understand your superior parenting skills.
…a person with a baby in
a stroller?
Ugh, hold the door. It’ll
be awkward but knowing that person is trying to enter the store backwards while
preventing the door from crushing its spawn would be embarrassingly worse.
…a store employee?
Stand aside and wait for
the door to be opened for you. Maybe the employee will make commission from the
money you spend. Because of that possibility, the door should not only be held for
you, but you should be lauded with praises and rose petals as you enter like royalty.
The only situation left
completely up to your discretion is if you fancy the person walking toward the
store. I occasionally enjoy attractive people but there’s no way I’m making my
new pants and flashlight wait longer than they already have because a cute
stranger is approaching.
She’d probably just continue
to think that chivalry is dead, and she'd probably be correct.
Besides, what would
realistically happen? I’d hold the door and she’d immediately declare love? At
best, I’d get a snotty look and a passive declaration of gratitude.
…
But what if someone is
holding the door for you???
Turn away. I’d rather get
my skin removed than deal with that nightmare.
If I see someone about to
enter a store thirty feet in front of me, I stop to do some mindless activity
until the person is fully inside. There’s no way I’m witnessing that pathetic
smile as someone tries to be “nice” while holding the door for me.
And then I’d be expected
to thank this person! ‘Gee, thanks
for doing something I could have easily done for myself. Want to tie my shoes
next?’
Point is- Stay away from
doors, even at home. Jump through open windows so each time can be a grand
adventure.
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