Women Should Invent A Sport

Women Should Invent A Sport

The graphic above compares and contrasts the careers of professional basketball players Sue Bird and LeBron James.

Their years played and championships won are exactly the same, yet the salary each player earned during 2020 differs drastically- $215,000 for Bird and $37,440,000 for James.

(LeBron’s total salary may have been even higher but I will use the given number for comparison.)

For some math, Sue made less than one percent (~ 0.6%) of LeBron’s total.

In fact, Bird and six other players (all the WNBA’s highest-paid athletes) each earned $215,000, totaling $1,505,000, which is slightly over 4% of LeBron’s salary.

(Note that the amounts are what the players made directly from their organizations and does not include endorsement deals or anything like that. Many WNBA players earn extra- and often more- playing in foreign leagues during the off-season.)

There are many factors to consider in this situation, including the idea that many people would be perfectly happy earning $215,000 per year and that if an athlete truly loves his or her sport, the amount of money made should not matter.

But it *does* matter.

The point of this article is not to analyze societal inequality and gender disparity but to suggest an alternative that could shift things toward a more balanced civilization.

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Male-dominated sports bring in an obscene amount of money to their organizations, advertisers, apparel companies, and whoever else is involved. Female sports get plenty of attention but not even a noticeable fraction of that money, as demonstrated by Sue and LeBron above.

To use another sport as an example, men’s finals in major tennis tournaments are always the last to be featured, getting the best television time. Tennis, along with basketball and pretty much every other professional sport, gives men a majority of the attention.

(A financial comparison with WNBA players would be unfair since much of tennis stars’ earnings come from endorsements and other outside ventures. Even within that system, men generally make more, though women’s earnings are considerably higher than in the WNBA.)

Some argue that women should be paid equally yet opponents stipulate they should play equally. (Currently, men play best-of-5 matches while women play best-of-3.)

There have been many great female players throughout the history of tennis, but do they get the same recognition as their male counterparts? In most cases, no.

This could largely be due to women's sports being seen as “alternate” versions of sports that have traditionally been dominated by men. The WNBA, softball, that weird lingerie football thing, and even soccer mostly follow the rules of their masculine equivalents. The only obvious difference is that women play them.

(That may have sounded degrading but alternative versions of established sports have never fared well. Just ask the XFL.)

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A new sport specifically designed for women might begin to change things.

It should not forbid men to play (as major sports do not strictly bar women) but highlight female-friendly attributes.

For example, women typically have less height and more flexibility than men, so cater to those assets.

If the average female height is 5’4” and male height 5’9”, incorporate a ceiling around the 5’6” mark. This specific aspect would exclude many (but not all) men while being inclusive of many (but not all) women.

(I have no idea how an audience would be able to watch a sport with a low ceiling but somebody else can solve such problems.)

Women also tend to have a lower center of gravity, helping them dominate sports such as roller derby and gymnastics, which also focuses on natural gracefulness.

Another sport mostly played in America by women is field hockey, though men more commonly play it worldwide.

In 1901, an Englishwoman named Constance Applebee came to study at Harvard and brought the idea of field hockey with her. Her female classmates quickly took to the sport since women’s exercise was typically limited to slow activities such as croquet and golf.

Applebee continued to promote field hockey and change the look of women’s athletics for almost 80 years, dying aged 107.

Related fact- When women began regularly playing basketball, many “men’s” rules were deemed too rough for them, so the sport was modified to prevent over-exertion. One change involved players having to stay within assigned zones on the court to avoid running its full length.

Also, there is an International Women’s Sports Hall of Fame. Founded in 1980, it was first located on Long Island in New York, then moved to Manhattan’s Sports Museum of America until that closed in 2009. The archives have since gone to Sarasota, Florida, where the Women’s Sports Museum will soon open for a three-year “preview”, possibly leading to permanent residence.

If you plan on having at least an extra $15,000 for the next three years, go here to become a sponsor.

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Taking a break from serious content, it’s high time for some silliness…

Inventing a sport is not as easy as it sounds, so how does one go about it?

Having no idea how to invent a sport is one way to begin.

Next, find a website to guide the process. Ideally, the site will pluralize basic words with a ‘z’ instead of an ‘s’, demonstrating that it is not only intellectually responsible, but very hip as well.

Lastly, let the ideas flow.

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STEP ONE – The Basics

According to Kidz World, the first step is deciding the new sport’s basics- where it will be played, if accuracy or speed is the focus, and whether individuals or teams will be involved.

Based on the previously-mentioned criteria (shorter height, gracefulness, flexibility, low center of gravity), this new sport will be played in a labyrinth with a 5’6” ceiling, speed will be important, and teams will play it since that is usually more fun for everybody involved.

STEP TWO – Pick A Name

Giving the sport the best name possible will skyrocket it to fame. In this case, that name is Giffyblap.

STEP THREE – Design The Playing Surface

Imagine a hedge-maze created by M.C. Escher. The game’s area would be outlined by trimmed bushes and the low ceiling would make many players squat down to carry things.

STEP FOUR – Rules

Developing this would become tedious so the three main rules are: 1) First team to kick a rubber pyramid into a hole wins, 2) Dancing like a swan is not only allowed but encouraged, 3) One point is scored each time a player does a full split to obstruct an opponent.

STEP FIVE – Equipment

Rubber pyramid, hidden swan costumes, durable socks, and, of course, face protection.

STEP SIX – Play The New Sport

Gather some ladies, put all this information together, and have some fun trying out Giffyblap!

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Of course, Giffyblap is a very silly and impractical idea. But it demonstrates how potentially simple inventing a new sport could be. In the appropriate hands (clearly not this author’s), one just might come along that would sweep the globe with popularity, finally giving women prominence on the worldwide sports stage.

Just be sure wealthy men can make money from the new sport. This might sound counter-productive, but it must be part of the plan, since nothing has gotten done for a very long time that did not involve wealthy men getting even more money.

That system should be changed as well but these steps toward attaining gender equality would surprisingly somehow be easier.

Not to worry- If the sport even hints at catching on, wealthy men will come running.

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Or, just get rid of sports. Gladiator days are over.