A Letter To My Mom

  

While going through some papers, I came across a letter I apparently wrote to my mom for Mother’s Day in 2013. I don’t remember writing it, nor what her reaction was. She lived in Florida and had recently divorced my step-dad. This was a few weeks before she moved in with me, the then-owner of the house she bought with my dad. (Odd situation.) I found that all interesting, so here it is:

12 May, 2013

Mom-

First off, I am very proud of you. I know that’s not normally something said from a son, but it is the truth. I hate that you had to come to such a decision about Ken, but I definitely think it’s the right move for you. I’d been saying for a while that you had to be selfish and put your own needs ahead of everyone else’s, so it was a big relief for me when you had made a final choice, I hope the process goes as easily as possible and of course I will continue supporting you in any way I can.

Secondly, thank you. I know I’ve thanked you before, but no amount of times could ever be enough. I wouldn’t be me without so much love, understanding, and encouragement. And I’m pretty awesome, so you must have done something right! You’ve been there for me every step of every way and it means so much because I know there are mothers who are not nearly as great as you.

Now that our situations are shifting, we’ll need each other possibly more than ever. It won’t be easy for either of us, though we both need to change things and move along. I’ll certainly never stop being your son and now I’d like to become more of a friend to you. You’ve told me many things over the years (some, perhaps, could be classified as T.M.I.) but for no real reason, I’ve held back from being so open with you. I’m not saying I have a secret life you don’t know about, but I recall you saying something like you don’t really know me. It shouldn’t be that way. I’m not the most forthcoming person, but I want to erase that feeling from you. We’ve been through so much that it would be insane for either of us to hold back at this point.

To get that idea rolling, there actually is one thing I’ve kept from you and, again, I don’t really know why. I’m pregnant. Well no, but I wrote a journal of sorts while my dad was sick to record events and help me get out things I couldn’t fully express to anyone. I compiled it all into a long, quite sad but I think moving and well-written memoir. It’s a heavy read, especially since you were so involved with the situation, so I’ll e-mail it to you whenever you’re ready. I am sorry for not having shared it with you already.

For one more thing, a big concern I have about you is this negativity that comes out somewhat often. I know I can be cynic extraordinaire, but I think we handle it differently. Your childhood was unimaginably difficult and two marriages did not exactly go according to plan. These are not happy things, but my wish is that you grow from these experiences instead of holding onto and dwelling on them as you sometimes do. Good and bad events shape us equally and you wouldn’t be who you are today without them. You are a warm, funny, intelligent, beautiful person and a terrific mother. You’ve got lots of time left and I’d hate to see it wasted thinking about rotten things from the past. I also think your physical health would benefit from more positive thoughts. There should be more happy discussions. The other day, when you called with the wonderful news about Uncle Vic meeting with Michael, I was so glad to hear genuine happiness in your voice. We both need more of that!

I hope you appreciate this letter in lieu of a “gift” today. I felt it was more appropriate than a card someone else wrote or a present you might not use. Besides, with your allergic reactions to jewelry, your aversion to flowers and chocolate, and your difficulty with reading books, I couldn’t think of anything else to send you! But I guess another Que Pasta dinner wouldn’t hurt.

You are the best. Please continue to be so and I will do my part to make our relationship stronger.

I love you. Happy Mother’s Day.

~Rob(bie)

 

AFTERWORD 26 January, 2026: ‘Terrific’ was the wrong adjective. Horror – horrific. Terror – terrific? Doesn’t make sense. And since I’m always all about making sense, I should have gone with ‘excellent’.