PhiLOLsophy: Your Hilarious Text Message
Damn, you're funny. How do I know that you're funny? Because you made yourself laugh. Out loud. I think I'm pretty funny but I usually just make myself snicker after saying something hilarious. You, however, had the ability to text me something which was fairly unfunny but made you LAUGH OUT LOUD. How do I know you were laughing out loud? Because you told me. Your mild comment was followed by the letters L, O, then a second L.
Honestly, I'm surprised you were capable of sending the message at all. When I laugh out loud, it's uncontrollable and I'm often unable to do much of anything else. But you- you're special. You had the uncanny skill to think of something which made you laugh out loud, type into your phone the thing which made you laugh out loud, then inform me at the end that you were laughing out loud, all the while laughing out loud.
You are so fucking comical it hurts.
Your hilarious comment is going to revolutionize comedy. Speaking of, you should really try stand-up. I bet you're the funniest person in your cubicle. Go to an open mic night and spew out your insufferably humorous jokes. Make sure your co-workers go because they all think your office antics are unmatchable. Except Nancy, but she just doesn't have a good sense of humor, right? Wrong.
If your parents can't attend the open mic night, make sure it gets recorded so you can show them just how funny you are. They are sure to hate how much money they wasted on your poli-sci degree when they could've just sent you to clown college. That'll make up for them telling you Goldie moved to London when they actually flushed him down the toilet.
During your routine, I assume you'll be laughing out loud after each joke you tell, because they will all be extremely funny. I hope you're able to tell more than one. Your first joke is sure to be a whopper so I wouldn't be surprised if you tell it then laugh out loud for the remaining five minutes.
Come to think of it- You already have that first joke written! Simply throw in some context, read the message you sent to me, and the audience will be in stitches. Stitches, I tell you. Your radical bon mot will cause people to skip surgery and go right to the stitches. It is going to slay your audience figuratively, literally, and geologically.
You're very funny.
I can't believe you've been so witty this whole time I've known you. Sure, we've had plenty of laughs, but I always took them for granted. In person, you laugh at amusing things, such as me. But with the written word, you've expanded the borders of The Funny Zone. You are able to laugh, out loud, at something which isn't remotely entertaining. If Benjamin Franklin possessed the talent you've got, he would've done something useful for mankind.
You are the Benjamin Franklin of comedy. The U.S. Mint should destroy all current $100 bills and replace them with ones that not only have your image on them, but the amazingly hilarious text you sent to me. My only fear is that people would receive the bills and die from excessive laughter. Have you ever seen that Monty Python sketch about the funniest joke ever told? Of course you've seen it. That was probably the inspiration for your incredible remark, and you somehow managed to outdo Monty Python. That's impressive.
Thank you so much for sharing your uncanny gift with me and the world in general. I've locked your message so that it will never be deleted, along with every uproarious meme you've ever sent me which you didn't create but would've if you had the time in your busy schedule.
When you reach super-stardom, don't forget about the little people.