Bravery

 

Bravery

I met A at a brewery the night before my friend’s wedding.

She seemed the type who would talk to anyone, so I took it as nothing more than that. We had some light conversation, I introduced her to a friend I was waiting on, and we exchanged phone numbers, though I expected to never see her again.

That was a Thursday.

On Saturday (by coincidence, my birthday) at the same brewery was an amateur comedy show. A and I met there to watch that.

Although we had a good time and took a picture together, I expected to never see her again.

…

Two weeks later, I was driving past A’s town and she invited me to see a band at a different brewery.

During their set, she mentioned something about us being on a date. That idea had never even occurred to me, though the criteria had obviously been met.

She also asked if I would slow dance with her if the band played a certain song, which they did not.

At her car after the show, I asked if she would play the song for me. In a rare right-place-at-the-right-time moment, I asked, ‘May I have this dance?’ before slow-dancing with her in the street.

Then we kissed.

Honestly, it was pretty magical, like something in all those romantic stories I tend to ignore.

The next morning, I went to the coffee shop where she worked and had breakfast. We chatted a bit, but it was busy, so I left after waiting probably too long for it to slow down.

Although we parted on good terms, I expected to never see her again.

…

We kept in contact after that and she told me she planned on getting her vehicle in Maine and driving it to Florida. To my surprise, she invited me along. I had apprehensions since she was quite erratic but agreed in the name of spontaneous adventure.

I should have taken my gut’s advice.

The plan was this: A was set to pick me up in Connecticut at 7am so we could drive to an overnight auto-train in Virginia. When the train arrived in Orlando, we would go to a fortune teller then stay at an interesting-looking hotel. After breakfast the following day, she would drop me off at a nearby airport before getting a tattoo finished and heading home.

What actually happened: exactly none of that.

The 7am pick-up was changed to 9, which ended up being around 9:40. Despite such a late start, we went to a nearby firefighters’ memorial before heading south.

One thing I was unaware of before the trip was that her car came out in 1989 and had a top speed of about 65 miles per hour. But the train was leaving at 5pm and we would be there before then, so I had no reason to be concerned, right?

Wrong.

Although the train was leaving at 5, any automobiles had to be on board by 3, without exception. A failed to look up that information. Even though it was her vehicle and trip, I felt mildly responsible as well.

It was after 3 and we were still an hour away. Her ‘things will work out somehow’ attitude was not going to win this time.

We stopped for a couple of beers and assessed our new situation. Foolishly, I thought some of the trip could be salvaged, so we decided to eat then drive south until… who knows.

…

Around this time, I noticed A grabbing herself and making pained faces.

She explained that she was still breast-feeding her daughter but that had not happened in days, therefore milk was backing up and making her physically uncomfortable. She tried to pump in the restaurant bathroom but that didn’t work.

Always putting others before myself, I asked if there was anything I could do to help.

“Yes, actually…”

If you’re thinking I suckled milk out of her breasts, you are absolutely correct. I have done favors for friends before, but this was the first one that involved nudity.

We went into the back seat of her car, she removed her shirt, and I did that extremely awkward thing while doing my very best to not make it sexual.

The situation was very weird but it worked. And tasted kind of like yogurt.

(I was/am not as disturbed by this as I probably should be.)

…

We ended up in Ashland, Virginia- a town known for its involvement in the locomotive industry. It was a nice place I would honestly like to visit on purpose one day.

The next morning, our new plan was to drive to Orlando and continue the journey as scheduled- familiar town, fortune teller, interesting hotel.

Quite obviously, that did not happen.

With no regard for time, A wanted to wander around Ashland. She did not have a flight the next day and therefore was not concerned whether we made it or not.

I was, but I went along with her lackadaisical attitude anyway because I tend to do such things. (One of the topics my therapist and I have been discussing.)

Realizing the plan’s fruition was very unlikely due to distance and sub-par vehicle quality, I suggested going to Vollis Simpson Whirligig Park in North Carolina. (I had to enjoy something on this journey.) We checked that out then went to a nearby brewery for another assessment.

(You might be thinking, ‘Did you not enjoy having your mouth on her bare breasts?’ Of course I did, but that doesn’t make it less weird.)

At that point, I was taking over the trip I was supposed to let someone else be in charge of.

I said ‘Oh well’ to that night’s already-booked hotel and the next day’s flight and got one out of a closer airport.

The night before A’s birthday (which was the day prior to this mess beginning), she stayed in a trailer in Savannah, Georgia, with her baby’s father. (I know their situation was amicable but never found out to what extent.)

She and I stayed at the same place. Why? I had no idea why anything was happening anymore.

…

We went for a walk the next morning, during which A took a swig out of a bottle randomly left at somebody’s grave-site without checking its contents.

This is the kind of person I was dealing with.

My new flight was only two hours away (in a vehicle manufactured in this century) but I booked it at night, just in case. How long would her car take? I had no idea but pushed to leave six hours before I wanted to be at the airport and secretly looked up bus routes in case the car died.

Shortly into this leg of the journey, A developed a sudden fear of driving on I-95, which we had been taking the entire way. An alternate route would take 30 more minutes but since we left so early, that wouldn’t matter, right?

Wrong, sort of.

I did make the flight but got to the airport later than I wanted to.

Another ‘Oh well’, I suppose.

…

Due to my attachment issues, I continued talking to A after that trek. She was getting more random in speech and action and I became frustrated with the friendship. Among many other things, I remember she played chess with a stranger for a meal, became mesmerized by a circus, and slept on an abandoned couch somewhere.

Being her friend was giving me a headache, so I wrote out a letter ending the situation, which I was going to send to her, but…

A was in the military for a number of years, so she had access to veterans’ benefits. She expressed interest in entering a VA hospital at two places in Florida, then in Tennessee, then in Vermont. I have no idea if any of those came with an actual plan.

After disappearing for a few days, she called me from a non-VA rehabilitation center (in Florida) to say she had checked herself into it. (Or did a court mandate it? I truly have no idea.)

She was there for a week, during which she would call me at random times and occasionally leave an angry message if I did not answer. I suggested letting me know what time she would call but her response was there were no clocks in the facility.

So, that happened.

As of this writing, it has been over a year since she “got out”. I heard nothing from her for weeks and had no way of contacting her, not that I should have.

She did re-appear for a few days but showed no signs of improvement. Then she said she would be stepping back from everything to focus on getting custody of her daughter. I am not a legal expert, but I assume no judge would let someone with no income, money saved, or residence gain guardianship of a child.

But, whatever. Not my problem.

…

This time, I truly expected to never see her again.

And then she re-appeared. A text message, a phone call.

Why did I even respond? Curiosity, I guess.

A had been clean and sober for a while and it showed.

Good for her, I suppose. Not so much for me, but that’s how these things go.

And yes, I’ve seen her twice since this whole mess. I was driving past her town and back, so we hung out each way.

She’s no long sober but is doing much better than previously-stated. We had dinner the first time then she met me and another friend at a bar.

Seeing her again was nice, I think. I’ve never known how to gauge such things. It was never awkward and we fell back into our “old” ways quickly. She had some car trouble (still the same vehicle), so we dealt with that before continuing. But it was a nice time. Again, I think.

…

Have I wasted my time being her friend? Was I ever actually her friend? Or was she setting me up for something? And if so, why did it fail?

The biggest question, however, is if I will listen to my gut in the future and stay away from people like this. I think so but I have had the same thought before and here we are. Time will tell.

A and I are friends now, communicating randomly. We’re in vastly different situations but we both feel lost, so we bond over that. And having dark senses of humor.

(At least I got a decent story out of this whole thing.)

…