Outsider

 

Outsider

There’s nothing like waking up to the sounds of sex you’re not having
No choice but to listen and wonder
And maybe get jealous, if there’s time
Good for them
Bad for me
Whatever

It gave me a sense of loneliness
Envious of their connection
Longing for… some kind of something

I feel like I never fit in
Not here
Not there
Not elsewhere
Not in familiar surroundings
Not in new places
Not with friends I’ve known for decades
Not with casual acquaintances whose faces are barely recognizable
Not with strangers who I look at with contempt but are really doing nothing wrong
Not keeping to myself in a room filled with people
Not on my couch with nobody around
Not surrounded by those who also have my afflictions
Not in a crowd at a concert
Not in a busy city
Not in a small town
Not in a park
Not at the gym
Not hiking on a trail
Not at a friend’s business
Not at a convention that celebrates something I like
Not walking down the street
Not anywhere

So here I am, physically in a place, yet mentally far from it…