Middle-Aged Punks

Middle-Aged Punks
by Rob Cottignies

The second time I saw Huey Lewis & The News was at an amphitheater with the stage at the bottom of the hill, then seats, and a grassy area beyond that.

Generally, people on the lawn stand to watch the shows. Some sit, but there's no real view.

However, this concert was different because every person on the lawn brought or rented a chair to sit on. My friends and I were the youngest people there by about twenty years, so it made sense that the middle-aged farts wanted to sit.

Although this was the case, there was no rule against standing, so we did. Before the show began, our area of the lawn was fairly empty, so anyone who chose to sit behind us could clearly see our obstruction.

And see us they did.

We knew stupid shouts like "Down in front" and "Can't see" were aimed at us, but we wanted to see the stage, so united we stood.

…

About halfway through Huey's second amazing tune, a fat guy bumbled down and hit one of us on the back. That conversation went something like this…

Fat Guy: You's gotta sit down.
Us: No we don't.
Fat Guy: I can't see da screen.
Us: So move.
Fat Guy: Everyone else is sittin'.
Us: So sit behind them.
Fat Guy: Why you standin' anyway?
Us: We want to see the stage.
Fat Guy: What's there to see? You's just gotta listen.
Us: Then why does it matter if we stand?
Fat Guy: (incoherent mumbling)

And he walked back, defeated.

Had he asked reasonably instead of like some kind of slug creature, we would've considered sitting. Obviously, that was not the case.

While trying to enjoy the next classic from Mr. Lewis, we got more taps on our backs. This time it was a furious Russian with a hideous goatee…

Furious Russian: You need sit down.
Us: No, we don't need sit down.
Furious Russian: Everyone else sitting in chair.
Us: Good everyone else.
Furious Russian: I no pay to look at your ugly faces.
Us: We’re looking at the stage. How can you see our ugly faces?
Furious Russian: I no pay to see your backs.
Us: We no pay to talk to you.
FR: You are wisecrack.
Us: Awesome. Good-bye.

And he went on his furious way.

The next song brought ANOTHER back tap.

This time it was a security guard. He was young and understood that we weren't being jerks and just wanted to see the stage. Since he couldn't kick us out or make us move, he did something much nicer- offered us seats. Not the chairs that everyone had rented but actual seats closer to the stage.

As we walked away with the security guard, the mob behind us cheered proudly until they saw him leading us to the seated section. It was great.

We got excellent seats, Fat Guy and Furious Russian could drunkenly see the overhang, and everyone was happy.

For an extra anecdote, two songs after we sat down the monitor above us (that Fat Guy and Furious Russian would've been looking at) shut off, so they couldn't see anyway. We had won twice over.

…

Huey was clearly the star of the evening but playing after his band was Chicago. My friends and I agreed to stay at least until they played Saturday In The Park.

We were back on the grass when that song started, and some people were dancing about 20 feet from us. Drunk middle-agers reliving their youth. Good times.

As ‘Saturday’ played, more people came down to join the dance party.

About twelve seconds later, one guy tackled another and started beating the hell out of him. Right after, two more guys started brawling. More people came over and tried to separate the combatants but that only led to more fighting. Women were jumping or being thrown into the mix, blood was flying- it was brutal.

As you can imagine, security isn't exactly tight at a Chicago/Huey Lewis show, so it took a good eight minutes for anyone to come over, and there was still some pretty hardcore bashing going on.

When someone from security finally came over, it was a small woman armed with a mighty flashlight. All she could do was signal to other guards, which took even more time. One security guard tried pulling one guy off another, only to get punched and start wrestling with that guy.

It was complete chaos.

More guards and eventually police showed up and the brutality was ended.

I've seen all sorts of hardcore and heavy metal bands. I was at Woodstock '99 where there were basically no rules and plenty of booze and drugs to get people riled up. I've been to six Ozzfests. Not once have I seen a brawl so vicious.

If there is a moral to this story, let it be that you’ve got to fight for your right to party.