They Call Me The
Ponderer
by
Rob Cottignies
I found a list of “questions worth pondering” and decided to answer them instead of simply admiring their quirkiness.
Enjoy!
…
Is
there another word for synonym?
*equivalent
If
it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow,
how cold is it going to be?
*zero
degrees; 2 x 0 = 0
How
does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
*many
operators own their vehicles and keep them at home; women drive plows, too
If
convenience stores are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there
locks on the doors?
*in
case of emergency, maintenance, or to keep undesired people out
If
you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, what happens?
*it
would look the same as turning on your headlights does regularly; now, tell the
world about this vehicle of yours…
Why
do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
*both
terms originated before motorized vehicles were invented; ‘driveway’ once and
still refers to the area between a street and a house, which was formerly much
lengthier; a ‘parkway’ was a path through a place where vegetation grew but
took on its current use when cars began taking over such spaces
Why
are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
*they
are parts of the Interstate System even though Hawaii is over 2,000 miles from
California; Alaska also has interstate highways as does Puerto Rico, which isn’t
even a state!
Why
don't sheep shrink in the rain?
*their
wool is not yet processed so it remains intact
What
does Geronimo scream when he jumps out of a plane?
*this
never happened; Geronimo died in 1909 while the first official sky-diving attempt
was in 1918
Why
are there five syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
*the
Greek prefix ‘mono’ means ‘singular’ and ‘syllabic’ refers to how many syllables
a word has
Why
isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
*cats
were never thought to hunt mice for their taste, therefore other flavors were
tried first and had enough success to not require further development
When
two airplanes almost collide, why do they call it a near miss and not a near
hit?
*military
slang gave us this phrase because it originally referred to a bomb that did not
hit its target but got close enough to cause damage to it
If
the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
*there
are numbers 1 and 3 pencils that have softer and harder graphite (not lead),
respectively; #2 is considered the most practical for everyday needs
If
you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
*succeeded
If
a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
*no
If
a tree falls in a forest and nobody is there to hear, does it make a sound?
*yes,
even if the person is deaf
If
a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
*he’d
be dead; turtles’ shells are parts of their anatomy and attached to their
bodies
If
someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered
a hostage situation?
*a
person with dissociative identity disorder would not threaten such a thing
If
corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
*it’s
mostly made from petroleum, which soothes skin well
If
psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
*a
person who claims to have psychic abilities reads from human interaction, not
random numbers out of a machine
Why
do they put Braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines?
*it
is more cost-effective to make standard number pads for every ATM than to
individualize them based on where they get installed
When
a cow laughs, does milk come up its nose?
*that’s
not how cows work
If
nothing sticks to Teflon, how does Teflon stick to the pan?
*Teflon,
a brand-name product of polytetrafluoroethylene, contains pairs of carbon atoms
that become sticky and allow it to adhere to metal
If
it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
*homicide
is illegal
What's
another word for thesaurus?
*why
would one be needed?
Why
do they sterilize needles before lethal injections?
*all
needles are distributed sterile; the arms of condemned people are swabbed for
legal reasons in case a stay of execution or something else delaying the
procedure happens; a person is sentenced to die via lethal injection, not from
an infection
What
do they use to ship Styrofoam?
*Styrofoam
is a name brand owned by DuPont; if not produced locally, foam is sent in bulk
in cardboard boxes; foam is not recyclable but can be brought to foam drives
for re-purposing
Why
is "abbreviation" such a long word?
*the
Latin terms ‘ad’ means ‘to’ and ‘breviare’ means ‘shorten’
Why
is there an expiration date on a sour cream container?
*it
is a dairy product containing lactic acid; general consensus is that refrigerated
sour cream is still usable for up to three weeks past its expiry, assuming
there is no mold present
Why
did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
*they
wore leather flight caps to protect their heads while flying and in case the
mission had to be aborted; head-gear of any kind would not ensure survival of
an airplane crash
How
do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
*the
same way musicians know when to tune any instrument
When
you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
*assuming
its blood is red, purple
Why
do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
*televisions
were originally quite big and consisted of multiple components
Do
radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
*a
radioactive cat would have less than one actual life
What
was the best thing before sliced bread?
*the
expression does not refer to bread itself but rather the automation associated
with slicing it
What
happens if you get scared half to death twice?
*you
were scared twice; although very rare, it actually is possible to die from
fright
How
do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
*before
the ink dries, it is visible, so knowing you’re running out and replacing the
cartridge is the same as with a regular pen; comedian Steven Wright may have
first asked this question
What
is the speed of dark?
*darkness
is the absence of light and therefore does not move at all; the speed of light
is approximately 186,000 miles per second
24
hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... Coincidence?
*yes;
when cases were first used, organizing the beverages 4 x 6 was the easiest
configuration to handle; some cases contain a different amount of beer
In
synchronized swimming, if the first drowns, do the rest follow?
*no,
but the team may get penalized if that swimmer touches the pool’s bottom
If
con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
*grammatically,
yes; but, like, no
If
love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
*though
love may be involved, lingerie is commonly used in situations of lust
When
someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts?" and you put your two
cents in, what happens to the other penny?
*1)
“A penny for your thoughts” is not a question; 2) these are only idiomatic
phrases, therefore no currency is exchanged
Shouldn't
a person who invests money be called something other than a broker?
*the
term derives from an Old French word meaning ‘small trader’ and was likely
related to wine
When
cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
*nothing,
as cheese in incapable of verbal expression
Why
is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a
race car not called a racist?
*following
this logic, the person in question would be called a drive-ist
If
21 is pronounced twenty-one why isn't 11 pronounced onety-one?
*’eleven’
in English has been changed throughout the centuries from the Geman word for
the number, ‘elf’; also, using the question’s example, it would be
pronounced ten-one
*Holland
is a region of The Netherlands and not the entire country; Polish people refer
to themselves as Poles; only English-speakers use the word ‘Dutch’ but refer to
Deutsch as German
If
I play a blank tape with the volume turned up, will the mime next door go nuts?
*never-mime
who lives next door
Whatever
happened to Preparations A through G?
*the
H in the name brand Preparation H stands for ‘hemorrhoid’
After
eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
*obviously
not; humans do not have to wait after a meal to go in a pool unless they are
doing so for exercise
Do
they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
*the
parking lot at the Special Olympics is no different than a typical one, since
the athletes have mental but not physical disabilities
Why
do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
*the
same reason you speak louder when a person whose language is not English
doesn’t understand you
Why
are they called buildings when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be
called builts?
*in
Old English, adding ‘ing’ (and sometimes ‘ung’) to a word made it a noun; think
‘ceiling’
Since
Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
*they
do not; also, throwing rice to wish a newly-married couple luck is a tradition
begun by the ancient Romans; whoever wrote this question is racist and pretty
bad at being so
Why
are there handicapped parking places in front of skating rinks?
*spectators
Why
do you often see people ordering double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a Diet Coke?
*it’s their feeble attempt at being healthy, which diet soda is not
anyway, but there may be medical reasons for doing so
What
would the speed of lightning be if it didn't zigzag?
*the
light we see (traveling at 186,000 miles per second) is caused by electricity
discharging from clouds; this question is impossible to answer because of
certain oxygen molecules that always appear with lightning and make it take the
shape
What
hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
*“none” or that
person’s natural hair color, depending where the document was issued
Do
Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
*while
federal law does not mandate short breaks, most employers offer them; what the
workers do with that time is up to them
Why
do we say something is out of whack?
*a
19th-century slang phrase that is no longer used was ‘in fine whack’
Why
do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
*it
is not known how but these do mean the same thing; the only real
difference lies in how a person says each phrase, depending on the local usage
Why
do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
*’fat
chance’ originally meant the odds were good that a thing would happen, then
around 1900 it got used sarcastically and has meant ‘no chance’ ever since
Why
do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there?
*because
everything at a baseball game is boring and repetitive
Why
are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
*when
spectator sports began getting popular, viewers would stand in designated
places since there were no seats; the word ‘bleachers’ is sometimes used
because the Sun tends to lighten the color of, or ‘bleach’, wooden stands
Why
is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
*it
is a shortened version of ‘after darkness comes’
Why
doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
*liquid
glue needs air to become sticky and the bottle’s cap limits the amount that
gets in
When
blondes have more fun, do they know it?
*if
this question is insinuating that blondes are dumb, even stupid people
recognize fun
If
quitters never win and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while
you're ahead"?
*it
has been credited to 17th-century Spanish philosopher Baltasar
Gracián
If
the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
*legally,
they would have to
How
much deeper would the ocean be if all the sponges didn't live there?
*not
at all; ocean sponges do not absorb water but filter it in order to eat; even
if they did absorb water, it would all still be in the ocean
Why
does the sun darken our skin but lighten our hair?
*skin
darkens because sunlight causes it to produce more melanin (brown pigment); with
hair, sunlight breaks down dead cells, causing less coloration
Why
is a carrot more orange than an orange?
*it
contains beta-carotene, which gets converted into vitamin A; other foods with
beta-carotene include sweet potatoes and cantaloupe
Why
is it that when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not
adoor?
*because
‘adoor’ is not a word
Why
does water that has trickled down mountains for centuries have an expiration
date?
*by
law, it must; also, the expiration is for the bottle containing the water,
indicating the point when some chemicals from it may seep into the liquid
Why
are softballs not soft?
*the
first softball was actually a boxing glove; the game grew in popularity and
took on its name to oppose baseball, which was called ‘hardball’
Who
do you save when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
*neither; both must be destroyed
Why
is the sky blue?
*photons
of light from the Sun scatter upon reaching Earth’s atmosphere and blue travels
in shorter waves than the other colors
What’s
a Google?
*Before the internet, the term 'googol' was introduced by the nine-year-old
nephew of the mathematician Edward Kasner. A googol is the number one followed
by one hundred zeroes, or 10100, or
10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.
The number serves no real purpose but its misspelling led to the very large
company we all know today. It's even been adapted into a verb. Hard to believe?
Google it.
Thanks to these websites for helping me
look things up
Google.com, Federal Highway Administration, Pencils.com, MentalFloss, Scientific American, Live Science, Department Of Labor, newspire.net,
Popular Science
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